So many things to feel guilty about

I thought this poem might amuse Post readers.

FUN THINGS

Listen to us before it's too late,

That's all I hear from our nanny state.

Why are they trying to change my thoughts,

With a constant set of new reports?

Don't do this and don't do that,

Something or other about saturated fat.

Eat more fruit and eat more greens

Or we'll be overrun with overweight teens.

Don't eat that pie or custard slice,

Just stop doing anything nice.

Please don't eat that apple tart,

We're only thinking about your heart.

It's not just food that I should fear,

There's also cider, wine and beer.

Why don't they know I'm just not scared

If I drink too much and become impaired?

I think I should be free to choose,

If I want to drink too much booze.

Two units, three units, I must confess,

I sometimes have 20 and couldn't care less.

I am not allowed to smoke indoors,

Something to do with draconian laws.

I'm going to be a bit more vocal

Because I can't even smoke in my local.

Each beer or fag, cake or bun,

I'm going to have them because they're fun.

I know I'm having a bit of a whinge,

But the more they nag the more I binge.

Enjoy yourself, young or old,

Please don't listen to what you're told.

I really don't think it will be long

Before a nice cup of tea is considered wrong.

"Archie Bleach", Fishponds.