It's just a theory. But I'm beginning to wonder if the Little Britain character Carol Beer is employed in Bristol City Council's education department.

I reckon she's sitting coughing behind her computer, at a desk groaning beneath teetering piles of primary school application forms.

However, she no longer retorts: "Computer says no". Instead, she tells parents who had, not unreasonably, hoped that their four-year-olds would get places at nearby schools: "Council says no".

Some might say I'm unduly cynical, following a places debacle when my eldest son started school in 2002 that would deter me from putting Bristol's education department in charge of my boys' pet gerbils, let alone giving them responsibility for my children's schooling.

But how else is it possible to explain the fact that parents in some parts of the city have had difficulties getting children into their first choice primary school for almost a decade? And how else to make sense of the fact that about 300 four-year-olds starting school in September have still not been offered places?

The answer, in effect, is: "Council says no".

In recent years, Bristol City Council has been very good at coming up with negative responses to possible solutions to the schools places crisis.

There's been a "no" to building a primary school on the Brunel site of City of Bristol College.

And there's been a "no" to turning the former Fairfield secondary school in Montpelier into a primary school (although noises are now being made, three years after it closed, about possibly making use of the building).

So instead of sending letters through the post, why doesn't the council let the parents of the 300 children without places pay a visit to Carol Beer, so she can say "no" to them in person?

SCENE: An office somewhere in Bristol City Council's section for school admissions. Carol Beer is sitting behind her computer. In walk a pair of middle class Bristol parents (MCBPs).

Mr MCBP: Hello, we've got an appointment with you about the allocation of a primary school place for our four-year-old.

Carol Beer glares at them.

Mrs MCBP: "We live in a nice house, in a nice, leafy area in north west Bristol, with very good schools. So we're very disappointed our child didn't get a place at the local primary.

Carol Beer: "Yeah, that's what all the parents say. There's only so many schools we can fit into nice, leafy areas, you know."

Mr MCBP: "Well, we'd really appreciate it if you could find us a place for September."

Carol Beer (typing into her computer): "There's a place in an extra reception class in a temporary classroom at Henleaze Infants ..."

Mrs MCBP: "An extra reception class at Henleaze Infants? But that would be at Bristol's first four-form entry school, and our child would be one of 120 new children!"

Mr MCBP: "I'm sure it's a very nice school, but what are they going to do with the temporary classrooms, stack them on top of each other?

Carol Beer: "Probably."

Mrs MCBP (turning to husband): "I know we're great believers in state education, but this isn't what I had in mind."

Mr MCBP (turning to wife): "But we can't move to another area because no one's buying houses at the moment, and we can't increase the mortgage to pay for a private school."

Mrs MCBP (turning to Carol Beer): "OK, we'll take it."

Carol Beer (typing on keyboard): "Council says no."

Mr MCBP: "But you offered us the place just a few minutes ago!"

Carol Beer (sighing): Well, I thought you didn't want it so I cancelled it. Now it's gone."

Mr MCBP: "This really is preposterous. Why does the council seem to be taking a crisis management approach to a problem that has been apparent for years?"

Carol Beer: "Typical. You parents always blame the council. If more parents kicked up more fuss a few years ago something might have been done by now. We've got to prioritise our resources."

Mrs MCBP: "Well, I hardly think it's an efficient use of council resources to be blowing a hole in the ozone layer by bussing four-year-olds across the city to get to school."

Carol Beer coughs in their faces. Mr and Mrs MCBP wince.

Mr MCBP: "Look, we're not getting anywhere in finding a primary school place for September."

Carol Beer glares at them, then coughs again.

Mrs MCBP: "Please could you take a look on your computer for another place."

Carol Beer (typing furiously): "Yes, there's one here. I can offer you a place on a minibus travelling around Bristol."

Mr and Mrs MCBP: "WHAT?"

Carol Beer: "Well, we haven't got all the temporary classrooms for Bristol primary schools in place yet. But at least your child has a place on a minibus..."