CAN you settle my expenses please as you did at the last meeting?

For a barbecue, tickets for Man U and brand new central heating?

Some nice pork chops, a supermop, an Ikea bag for life,

A picture frame (I have no shame) and some perfume for my wife.

I enclose receipts for two toilet seats and a washing line,

Horse manure, a wooden floor and twelve cases of wine.

Trips to Spain, time and again, fact finding tours of course,

Hobnobs, odd jobs, light bulbs and a bottle of brown sauce,

I need recompense for a garden fence and the cleaning of my pond,

Two hostess girls, both with curls one brunette and one blonde.

A flat screen TV, a DVD and a bag of chocolate snacks,

A trouser press, a wedding dress, nappies and council tax;

Furthermore, please don't ignore the mirrors and floor lamps,

Taxi fares, massage chairs, dog food and postage stamps,

Plus an extra home, a garden gnome, two porn films to enjoy,

Bathroom plugs, John Lewis rugs, and the usual cuddly toy;

If the sum of this expenditure meets with your approbation,

Just make cheques to my pet charity – The Turner Poor Foundation!

Frank Turner Hengrove Bristol

I DON'T think that any politician can hold his, or her, head up in pride!

Forcing out the speaker of the House of Commons is a symptom of the wider problems which do persist.

And it is, still, a scandal of the widest kind which does the three main parties, or the field of politics, no favours at all.

There's a question of trust on main party politics and those who do hold public office, either in the council or various political institutions.

I do believe a general election, as soon as possible, is vital to clear the air, remove unwise MPs and re-engage people in the ability to begin to trust the field of politics.

But I don't agree with David Cameron's notion of...Right Now. Not in July of 2009, because he is part of the political generation which precipitated the crisiss.

I think October or November of this year would be soon enough.

Stephen Farthing Bristol

THE exposure of the abuse of the expenses system by some MPs has created a climate of openness to change never before experienced.

Surely it is time the public insisted the grotesque benefits of the MPs' pension scheme be re-assessed.

It has been calculated that such benefits would require an annual payment of £50,000 per head. In the spirit of independent checks, this should now go into the melting pot.

John Tanner, Henleaze

WITH reference to your interview with Ms Primarolo on Saturday, May 16, I find it admirable that she had decided to publicise her expenses under the Additional Costs Allowance Regulations.

However, recent revelations show that a culture has established itself in Westminster whereby their expenses are a right because MPs feel aggrieved over their salary scales.

Even Ms Primarolo followed government guidelines and changed her main residence from Bristol to London and back again. She also quite legitimately claimed her full expenses for 2007/8.

In a close-knit community or a profession you normally get to know how your colleagues conduct themselves in general. Dawn Primarolo is an intelligent and astute politician. I am therefore a little surprised at her claim that she was not aware of other MPs expense claims.

It is my opinion that there is a need for a root-and-branch reform of our political system.

Richard Allen Bishopston

POLITICIANS seem to have overlooked the 11th commandment: 'Thou shalt not get found out'.

Arthur Frank Huntley St Aidans Road, Bristol