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Thursday, September 04, 2008, 08:00
Jo-Ann Middleton's husband of more than 18 years died at 51 after fighting the disease for almost three years.
Richard, known as Midi, did not experience any of the typical symptoms of prostate cancer, but after noticing problems with his "waterworks" went to see his GP in September 2005, and he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of the disease.
Jo-Ann, of Bedminster, said: "Midi had to have a full prostatectomy, which at his age he was young for, and we thought that would have got it all out.
"The surgeon informed us that Midi's prostate was a rock of concrete of cancer."
The couple, who met in Crete 21 years ago while Midi was in the Navy, remained positive, even after the cancer came back twice, and were determined to fight it.
Midi spent time on his allotment and went to Penny Brohn Cancer Care to learn ways of coping with cancer and its effect on his body.
Towards the end of 2006 doctors discovered that the cancer had spread to Midi's groin area and suggested chemotherapy.
Jo-Ann said: "That's when for the pair of us anger hit in, because it's cancer and you hear that word chemotherapy.
"Everybody said he was young to have that illness.
"We were positive before and I think that's what kept us going, but it was a bombshell to be told that, especially just before Christmas and after the summer when he was ill.
"There was screaming, shouting, crying, telling everybody, showing anger and it was completely mixed emotions.
"And then we brushed ourselves down because we are positive people and remembered other people sitting in radiotherapy, people who seemed so much worse off and we got on with it."
Chemotherapy started the day after Midi's 50th birthday in March 2007 and he was doing well until Christmas, when he suffered neck pain and it was discovered the cancer had spread further.
Radiotherapy followed and district nurses became frequent visitors to their home to provide care.
Midi was told he could not have any more treatment at the end of May and was taken to St Peter's Hospice in Brentry, where he died within a fortnight.
"He was amazing. As soon as he was told there was nothing more he wanted to plan his funeral. He wanted Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life played at the end," said Jo-Ann.
Before he died on June 7, Midi wrote about some of his concerns about diagnosing prostate cancer.
He said: "Females are screened – smear tests, and mammograms. Why are men not checked from 40 years old as the prostate starts to grow?
"To all men, if you have any changes in your waterworks, even very slightly, you may think it's nothing but see your GP.
"You only get one life. I was sensible, but look what is happening to me."
He became the youngest member of local prostate cancer support group, Prospect, formed in 2002 by men with the disease. Since his death Jo-Ann has been made an honorary member – the first woman to be involved.
Midi advised a positive approach to fighting the disease.
"If diagnosed, join a group like Prospect and talk openly, it helps", he said.
"Stay positive, enjoy yourself and laugh. Let you wife or partner emotionally support you. Men keep all the emotion in – don't."
He was determined to help others by leaving his body for research, and his prostate and the growths that developed are being studied by experts in Nottingham.
Jo-Ann said: "Midi was somebody who would go to the doctors. He wasn't frightened and look what's happened to him. Men should be screened from 40.
"I can't let another wife or partner lose someone like I have."
Rather than flowers at the funeral, money was collected for prostate cancer charities.
And on Sunday Jo-Ann, Midi's sister Julie and two of her children will take part in the Run for the Future on the Downs.
Men can take free PSA (prostate specific antigen) blood tests, even if they are not taking part.
For more information visit www.runforthefuture.org or contact 959 6328. To sponsor Jo-Ann, visit www.justgiving.com/midisgang.
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