Wayne Rooney is literally on fire this season . . . are you sure Jamie Redknapp?
A Bristol comedian is gunning for football pundit Jamie Redknapp – figuratively speaking of course.
Funnyman Paul Parry is on the warpath against misuse of the word "literally" – and it seems sports commentators like Redknapp are among some of the most prolific offenders.
We're all too familiar with Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney being described as being "literally on fire".
And how about cricket legend Ian Botham's infamous outburst: "For too long batsmen have been getting away with murder, literally."
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So Parry, who lives in Westbury Park, has taken to literally doing things literally to point out the error of people's ways.
The 30-year-old has picked up Miss Universe (on his tandem), cycled from A (in Norway) to Bee (in Nebraska, USA), and lost his marbles (at the World Marbles Championships).
He also went to the extreme of seeing how many cold cooked breakfasts he could consume in 12 minutes at a UK eating competition.
An unpleasant aftermath proved he had literally bitten off more than he could chew.
"My wife's not particularly fond of the Miss Universe picture but otherwise there are a lot of people getting on board the campaign," Parry told the Evening Post.
"The English language is so beautiful and varied and allows us to say so many wonderful phrases such as 'having a frog in your throat' or 'killing for a coffee'. But they're completely different from their literal meaning. We have the words 'literally' and 'figuratively' so we can distinguish the two.
"I singled out Redknapp because of the sheer frequency with which he uses the word and the fact that he's a role model, like it or not.
"It must be hard as he has to fill time on telly, but I'd like to sit him down and explain it all, along with (Radio One DJ) Fearn Cotton and (TV chef) Jamie Oliver."
Parry's show at the Edinburgh Festival last summer gained critical acclaim and he was branded The Literally Tsar, leading him to take his correctional campaign onto twitter@literallytsar.
We cannot blame youth or a lack of education for this apparent lapse in the standard of our language. We are all at it, according to the Plain English Campaign.
Spokesperson Marie Clair explained: "People say it's the uneducated who misuse words such as 'you know' and 'like', who are corrupting our language. But you find all these learned people who start or end sentences with the word 'actually' or misuse 'literally'. They use 'literally' as a punctuation mark, to make their statements sound more important.
"We tend to leave language to do its own thing, which is one of the great things about English. It's not regulated.
"Our campaign is for people to take a moment to think about what they are saying."
This week Parry is bringing his show home with gigs at the University of Bristol's Wickham Theatre on February 4, 5 and 6. Tickets £7, (conc. £5).
Top Redknapp quotes
"He's literally left Ben Haim for dead there."
"Centre forwards have the ability to make time stand still. And when Chopra got the ball, it literally did just that."
"He had to cut back inside onto his left, because he literally hasn't got a right foot."
"He literally turns into a greyhound."
"Messi literally sends people out of the stadium with his skill."
"Alonso and Sissoko have been picked to literally sit in front of the back four."
"He literally turned on a sixpence."
"This new ball is going quicker than ever - it literally explodes off the player's foot."