Bristol is beginning to turn into a weird blur of pumpkins, sparklers and tinsel.

The 12 days of Christmas have become the 12 weeks of Christmas – and the result is that life is currently a curious merger of Halloween, Guy Fawkes night and Christmas.

I dislike going to supermarkets at the best of times, but I actively loathe it at the moment.

It would come as no surprise to see a range of 'Hallofawkesmas' greetings cards, created by some enterprising retailer to cash in on – oops, sorry, celebrate – the way in which various occasions now morph together at this time of year.

Make it go away. All the Halloween, Guy Fawkes and Christmas merchandise I've seen alongside each other in the past few weeks has left me feeling I've had enough of these occasions before they've even happened. I encountered my first mince pie of 2009 last month, in a shop near my boys' school not long after they had returned following the summer holidays.

It was still sunny and leaves had only just begun falling from the trees. For a moment I felt like writing a letter to The Times, in a new slant on the tradition of people who have written in to the paper over the years claiming to have heard the first cuckoo.

Alas, having more time in which to buy won't even make me more organised when it comes to Christmas shopping.

There's something about buying presents early that feels as unnatural as eating a mince pie in the autumn, or Easter eggs in winter.

The commercialisation of the religious celebration that is Christmas somehow seems even tackier when 'Xmas' items are displayed at the same time as 'Scream' masks and Buy One Get One Free firework rockets.

Just who is buying this stuff?

Judging by the fact that on some nights, Bristol sounds as if civil war is breaking out between neighbouring districts, plenty of people are buying fireworks at the moment.

Presumably, after the firework purchasers have celebrated Bonfire Night almost a month early, they then go inside to sit down and write a few Christmas cards, or have a slice of Christmas cake.

Perhaps they're a bit like the Queen, with her real birthday and her official birthday. Maybe they have a real Bonfire Night and an official Bonfire Night.

As far as I'm concerned, however, I don't have a real budget and an official budget.

Like everyone else, I have only one amount of money to spend on Christmas or any other event. And I'm not going to exceed it just because merchandise is going on sale in the shops earlier than ever before.