Despite the rather parlous state of the Government's finances there seems to be no reining in at Defra, now a byword for waste and profligacy on a grand scale.

Tens of millions of pounds in fines from the EU for making a total mess of the Single Farm Payment? A mere bagatelle. Brushed away nonchalantly as a minor irritation. Barely rating the batting of a single eyelid.

And, meanwhile, the empire continues to sprawl and spawn new and ever costlier incentives. Earlier this month it was a new warning centre "to help protect people and businesses from flooding".

Now, we already have the Met Office and that other overstaffed drain on taxpayers' money, the Environment Agency.

Haven't they already got enough expensive kit and even more expensive staff to run a warning service? Apparently not. So we are to see a £7.7 million flood centre to provide a single national forecasting and alert service.

And do you know what? It will still get it wrong. The experts will still be caught with their pants down, blaming it on unexpected events or the wrong kind of rain as floodwater gushes through homes and sweeps cattle to their death.

For all the zillions that have been spent on modernising the business of weather forecasting – the satellites, the radar systems, the massive computers – most of the time we are just as well off referring to the bit of seaweed hanging by the back door or gazing across the fields to see whether the cows are standing or lying. The latter might well, naturally, not be an option if you live in a city or town centre, in which case I suggest obtaining a pot of salt, a pinch of which should be taken every time the forecaster tells you it's going to pour down tomorrow or bake you to a crisp the day after.

And there's more: another £15 million to help local authorities co-ordinate and lead flood management locally "so that residents know who is in charge in the event of flooding". That is a laugh in itself. It's a well-known fact that the only person in charge in the event of flooding is the Almighty: everyone else runs round like headless chickens.

But it gets worse. Latest intelligence from Defra informs us that a new centre "dedicated to helping the Government understand natural and environmental risk" has started work.

This is the grandly titled Centre of Excellence in Understanding and Managing Natural and Environmental Risk which is based at Cranfield University and which, allegedly, will provide world-leading evidence and expertise on environmental risks such as flooding, animal and plant disease, and adapting to climate change.

(The reality is it will provide a convenient front for lots of scientists and bureaucrats to look busy, either by carrying bits of paper around, or spending hours staring into computer screens – or getting involved in "workshops").

But, obviously, we can't do without it. I offer you one quote which sums up quite succinctly the role the new centre intends to adopt: one of couching its activities in such obscure terms that no one, but no one will ever be sure what exactly it is up to.

It comes from Prof Simon Pollard, head of sustainable systems at Cranfield University, who declares: "Our focus will be in stimulating the good practice in risk management already within Defra, and assisting Defra colleagues with the strategic appraisal of risks across a very wide risk portfolio. The centre's role will be to develop the tools and techniques to do this, and to provide leading-edge thinking on the sound prioritisation of environmental risks."

What utter tosh. What a waste of time and money. Don't they know there's a war on?