I am here today to talk about Association Football. The national pastime, the sport of kings – well, the sport played by people richer than kings anyway.

With the World Cup just around the proverbial corner, and Bristol right at the forefront to grab some hot 2018 tournament action, I feel the need to step in and educate non-football fans on the etiquette of how to support a team in Bristol, and also to highlight the city's mindset in general so that we can be whipped into shape in time to "back the bid".

Firstly – how to pick a Bristol team. The most important rule in the book is to remember that it's not who you support, it's who you hate more. Do you think the people in the South of the city are cider-fuelled morons with a penchant for bonfires? Congratulations! You are now a Rovers fan! However, if you think that people North of the Avon are so-bitter-they-could-crack, then you shall be forever destined to be a City fan.

Bristol has some of the most passionate local fans in the country, if not the world, so why, then, is it that when it comes to trying to get something as HUGE as the World Cup to Bristol, it goes down as well as a Gary Johnson poured pint of Gem in the Wellington? I understand the more bitter Gasheads will "Never set foot in the den of 1982 FC", but they do not have to. The profile the city and BOTH clubs would gain would be immense. If some boarding school drop-out can graffito-tag a few buildings and generate the sum of £15 million for the city, imagine how much cash tens of thousands of travelling football fans would generate staying in the city for a week or two? So why are the same old hypocritical people coming out, complaining the city is not progressing, but then protesting about any change?

And it's not just football rivalry causing opposition. Once again, a thing like Bristol's poor traffic situation gets highlighted. Public transport is inadequate here, but what better chance to get our councils to stop being the living equivalent of Tiny Tears dolls and start speaking to each other?

I know it is hard to do, but we need to start thinking about Bristol in a more positive light. If England get the World Cup, if we are chosen as a host city, we can use this opportunity to drag the city forward. We have an unprecedented chance to get Bristol competing on a global scale, and it astonishes me people will not unite out of fear, pettiness, and paper-thin arguments. It matters not if you side with Gas, City, or Bristol Manor Farm – even if you hate football – there is not a single decent reason for not having the World Cup in Bristol. Sign the Bristol 2018 petition, shut up, and be proud of our city.