TAKE one talking dragon, Victor Meldrew minus the famous catchphrase, and an adolescent sorcerer who's banned from practising magic on pain of death, and what have you got?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Shallow Script or, as the BBC bosses prefers to think, a brilliant new twist on the Camelot legend that will captivate viewers on prime-time Saturday night TV.

It's Merlin, the early years, a CBBC production in every way bar the actual involvement of the children's arm of the corporation, filling the Doctor Who slot with a children's show utterly devoid of reasons to hide behind the sofa – or to sit on it and watch BBC1, for that matter.

With a great cast and so many diverse previous takes on the Arthurian myth, there was licence to treat Merlin's uncharted younger days in any conceivable way.

That the BBC chose to make a lightweight series more suited to 4.30pm on a weekday, just before Tracy Beaker, is cowardly.

Guinevere has become the trendier Gwen, which makes me think there's a spin-off somewhere down the line – The Gwen of Camelot Adventures, co-starring a time-travelling Sarah Jane and Tony the X Factor bouncer as a Sontaran alien.

Oh, and seeing as it's the BBC, Gwen's black, of course.

Merlin managed to hide his magical powers by using them only in an emergency – to save the life of Arthur and court physician Gaius, to save his own life by stopping Arthur knocking his head off with a flail, and, naturally, preventing a bucket of water falling off a table and pulling a blanket over a sleeping Gaius.

With Merlin's cards that close to his chest, how will King Uther ever discover his secret?

Then there's the dialogue. If you missed episode one, here's the script in full: "Hi Arthur, I'm Merlin. I can't do magic, by the way. Your dad's the king and he's banned it, innit?

"Something bad happened 20 years ago with magic and dragons and stuff. We don't know what it is yet, but it has something to do with what happened about 20 years ago. I think it was about magic.

"Anyway, Art, me and you don't get on right now, but don't worry, we'll soon be best buddies, maybe on Facebook, and I've got a hunch it's something to do with me saving your skin with magic which, as I said, I can't do.

"It'll also involve: that dragon and its cave which looks suspiciously like a piece of GCSE art coursework; the only black girl in medieval England, who, while I'm on the subject, is destined to run off with some fellow named Lance in her Adventures series; and something or other that happened two decades ago."

If Merlin manages to become worthy Saturday night viewing, then that will truly be a magic act. Only it might take 20 years.