The father who leapt from the fourth floor balcony of a Crete hotel with his two children, killing his six-year-old son, has spoken for the first time about his "moment of madness".

In an exclusive interview with the Sunday Mirror, John Hogan spoke about the night he jumped 50ft from the hotel with Liam and daughter Mia, then aged two, in his arms.

The 34-year-old, from Bradley Stoke, says he prays every night to his children for forgiveness, and kisses the picture of the son he killed.

He said he understands people will never forgive him and that he is fearful of returning to England when doctors decide he can finally be released from a secure psychiatric unit in Greece.

Liam died from head injuries while Mia survived the fall but broke her arm in August 2006.

From the Greek secure unit he told the Sunday Mirror: "Every night as I say my prayers I hold the two pictures of my two children.

"I ask for Natasha's forgiveness and then ultimately God's forgiveness. Then I kiss my children and ask for their forgiveness."

At his trial in January, Hogan was found not guilty of murder on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

He blames his action on a moment of madness. He said: "I want people to understand that while some might think of me as evil, I was psychologically ill.

"Please believe me, those five to 10 seconds of insanity were not John Hogan.

"I've pushed my body and mind to try to find those seconds of madness. I could not and still cannot believe I could ever hurt my two innocent babies."

Hogan and now ex-wife Natasha had been together for 10 years but had flown to Crete for a make or break holiday following problems in their marriage.

Hogan had a history of anxiety, made worse by tragedies in his family, including the death of his father and the suicides of his two brothers.

He recalls that August day as starting happily.

"We had breakfast as a family, set up camp by the pool, and then I played endless games with my children," he told the newspaper.

"I remember me and Liam going fishing in the sea and when we caught one he had to run back and show his mum and sister. He was so proud. We were an ordinary family enjoying a holiday."

But that evening back at the hotel, Hogan and Natasha began to argue.

"We were talking about divorce, splitting up and Natasha taking the children and going back to live with her mum."

He said he remembers seeing Natasha walk into the bedroom to start packing. He said: "I saw my wife walking away from Mia, walking away from me, leaving me with the two children in my arms.

"And I said to her, 'So you think my family is a family of death'.

She'd said that to me a month previously."

Hogan maintains he has no recollection of the next horrifying moments and insists his next memory is of waking up in hospital with a policemen by his bed.

He says his mother told him Liam was dead and that he had tried to commit suicide by jumping with the two children from the balcony.

Hogan believes Liam has forgiven him and says he attaches no blame to Natasha, who has now remarried.

Although Natasha denies him any contact with Mia he says he has the hope of being reunited with his daughter and is writing a book for her to explain.

"I believe I felt Liam's presence by my side in court in Crete," he said. "I felt he was there for me, saying, 'Dad, I forgive you'. He knows that I could never knowingly do what I did with a sane mind."

Hogan plans to be a volunteer visiting psychiatric patients and other inmates when he is freed.

"On August 15, 2006, I lost the only woman I have ever loved, my son who I will only see again when God decides it is time, and my beautiful baby Mia, who I pray one day will want to know her real father.

"I already have a life sentence with Liam. I took his life away.

"Every day it will be with me, every single day.

"One day I might get peace. But it will still be with me."

Natasha's stepfather Brian Chandler said last night she did not want to make any comment.