Jane Jackson: Looking after the kids
It has taken me nearly two years to set up a support group for grandparents in Bristol who have lost contact with their grandchildren.
I have spent a great deal of time considering why it has been so difficult for grandparents to put their heads above the parapet. I believe there are lots of reasons. It could be that they are involved in a court case so, of course, they don't say anything for fear of jeopardising their case. They are afraid that if they speak out it could make a heartbreaking situation even worse. I feel as a grandparent I should be able to make it better and to have failed fills me with shame.
If you ever, and I really hope you don't, find yourself in this situation, when all lines of communication have broken down you start to explore the different options open to you. You will soon discover that as a grandparent you have no legal rights to see your grandchildren, but you will also find solicitors who are only to willing to apply for leave to the court for you to then apply for a contact order. It is necessary to apply to the court for leave to apply, as a grandparent, as set down in The Children Act 1989.
Complicated, it is indeed.
I read with interest a newspaper article recently where a retired judge had gone through this process and all the anguish it involves for everyone concerned. He and his family decided to withdraw their application as the emotional strain was too great but he also concluded that even if an order for contact was agreed it would lead to turmoil of a kind that would be detrimental to the children. He also stated that he believes that the approach of the family court in cases such as these is fundamentally flawed.
I speak to grandparents daily, all with their own very painful experiences. Causes are family breakdown, alcohol, drugs, bereavement and grandparents who have been full-time carers to their grandchildren for years, only for mum/dad to decide that she/he wants the children back.
Are we never going to learn by past experiences? When people ring the authorities, they must act. Take responsibility.
Of course this issue does not only involve grandparents. Many fathers are going through similar experiences, having no contact with their children and, yes, fathers do of course have rights but so often, like the retired judge, they feel to battle on with court cases is detrimental to their children.
Children have to continue to live their lives with whoever the resident parent may be, and it may not always be the life that the non-resident parent or grandparent would choose for their children/grandchildren but to continue through the courts will make life more difficult for them.
If a retired judge could not break through, then what hope do we have with no knowledge of the law at all?
Jane Jackson is from the Grandparents Bristol Support Group
2 Comments
by Paul Jackson, 5 Lime tree road North Walsham NR28 9DY
Wednesday, November 04 2009, 1:59PM
“On the problem of why grandparents have to raise their heads above the parapit; Unlike new mothers and to some extent, new fathers- Grandparents are not a recognised group of people who meet and socialise with grandchildren at their feet. Their paths might cross when out in the park with grandchildren, but their roll has not been recognised and supported by government.
They should be seen for what they truly are, the backbone and wisdom of a family, their position should be respected, listened too, for with knowledge and expeariance of life they listen and speak, give love and advice in healthy portions! However, it seems they have to be prepared to raise their voices and say:
"Yes, I know something that you do not yet know, I have something to give that you may need
Yes, I am old but I still have something valuable to share, to teach!! Listen to me, listen."
Of course it is not easy to say this, it sounds like bragging, but expeariance can't be bought at Asda or rented from Curries. Wisdom can't be got on credit, in three easy instalments, unconditional love is not bought two for the price of one from a magistrates court. All that is available free from your friendly local grandparent!
The sooner society and The Govenment realise this, the sooner the family ship will stop sinking because those in the boat will know who to ask for advice. Families and children without their wisdom carriers, the 'Old 'un's' are more likely to fail, more likely to suffer, more likely not to grow into the sensable , caring, hard working and stable adults and parents and graandparents of tomorroow, and where will we be then?
Grandparents had a roll in family, now its important for them to begin to stand up for the right to continue with that roll, the givers of love, knowledge and comfort, before its too late.
Its thanks to people like Jane Jackson that a new tide is rising up to hear and recognise the huge roll of grandparents in families, here today in the 21st century, may there be more like her.
they have to be rather than Perhaps they have never had to be so much what modern language calls; Proactive roll models and providers!”
by Penny Jackson, norfolk
Tuesday, November 03 2009, 5:42PM
“I dont have grandchildren yet, and I hope I never find myself in the same position as too many parents and grandparents. With the increasing number of family break-upsand acrimonious divorces,and second marriages it is all too easy not to make an effort to keep in touch with grandparents for whatever reason. It is worth making an efforrt whatever it costs you as too many children are missing out on the love and wealth of experience their grandparents can give them.
The laws need to change. when a retired judge cannot make any progress what hope can the likes of ordinary grandparents have?”