I F you're reading this column, it means I've successfully smuggled an email past Dubai customs.

I'm writing this in the dark, on my Blackberry, in the bathroom of my suite in the Atlantis hotel.

The nightmare started when the check-in girl asked if I had any electrical items in my case; that's a little like asking a restaurant if they serve food. I'd stuffed more cables and power connectors into my case, for my collection of electronic gadgets than PCWorld knew existed. My shrift response caused a SWAT team to magically appear and dissect my every possession.

Having convinced them I wasn't a spy on a special assignment, I was escorted to the departure lounge. Here over the sound of Americans shouting, I watched a TV news channel. The BBC reported that to protect national security, and to assist in law enforcement, BlackBerry had granted the United Arab Emirates access to their phone user's encrypted codes. This wasn't a problem for me until I reached my hotel suite, and found my laptop didn't work, and the power adaptors for my iPad didn't fit.

Earlier, I'd picked up an in-flight magazine, which explained the risks of cancer from Cosmic Radiation. This is a collective term for radiation that comes from the sun and galaxies of the universe. It read like the label on a packet of cigarettes – "You will die if you smoke these". However I only got this warning once I was 30,000 feet off the ground, not before take-off. It recommended I seek medical advice before travelling, again a little too late at this stage. It did however suggest I could wear stockings, something to do with stopping me dying of deep vein thrombosis. They weren't listed in the duty free section, and to be honest I'm not sure they'd suit me.

Back to Cosmic Radiation; evidently I shouldn't be exposed to more than two millisieverts, which are thousandths of a sievert a year – whatever a sievert is.

Only domestic pilots and flight attendants are exposed to approximately two millisieverts a year. I'm told this is low compared to a Computerised Tomography (CT) scan of the chest, which gives off eight millisieverts – I almost sound like I know what I'm talking about. However studies suggest that pilots and air cabin crew have a higher risk of skin cancer, and female air cabin staff may also have higher risks of breast cancer. Some holiday this was turning out to be.

Now I find myself in a hotel suite, bigger than a football pitch with an array of staff here on the pretence of fulfilling my every need. However I fear they've been sent to spy on me, watch my every move.

I'm wondering if customs can't see I'm carrying a case full of electrical devices and cables, how will they know if I own a Blackberry? That's the reason why I'm sitting in the dark in my bathroom, nervous about smuggling this email past Dubai customs.

Chris Geiger is an ambassador for Cancer Research UK and Above & Beyond. To donate directly visit www.Donate.ChrisGeiger.co.uk or follow him on Twitter @Chris_Geiger.