Child killer speaks out
The father who jumped with his two children from a hotel balcony, killing his son, has spoken, for the first time of his anguish.
Speaking to a Sunday newspaper from a psychiatric unit in Greece, John Hogan broke his silence to talk about the night he caused the death of Liam, six, and almost killed Mia, then two, after a row with his wife Natasha.
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Hogan, who was found not guilty of Liam's murder in January, also revealed how each day he prayed for his children and for his now ex-wife's forgiveness.
But the former tiler from Bradley Stoke, Bristol, refuses to accept he is evil, instead claiming he acted in a moment of madness.
He said he could remember everything about the make-or-break holiday he and Natasha took to Ierapetra, Greece, in August 2006, up until the very moment before the fatal balcony leap.
"I want people to understand that while some might think of me as evil, I was psychologically ill," he said.
"Please believe me, those five to 10 seconds of insanity were not John Hogan. "I've pushed my body and mind to try to find those seconds of madness.
"I could not and still cannot believe I could ever hurt my two innocent babies." Hogan recalled August 16 starting happily with a family breakfast, games and a fishing trip with Liam.
But the day soon took a turn for the worse when Hogan and Natasha began arguing and Natasha told him she was intending to leave and take the children.
Hogan said: "We had an argument on the balcony because I said to Liam, 'Liam your mum wants a divorce. It means we are going to be split up.'
"I shouldn't have brought Liam into it.
"I was telling him we were splitting up and he was crying."
Hogan remembers Natasha walking inside to pack and then insists he has no recollection of anything until he woke up under police guard, where his mother informed him of what he had done to cause Liam's death.
Hogan said he sunk into a suicidal state for the six months after Liam's death but now hoped to one day be reunited with Mia.
He even plans to write a book for her to explain the truth.
"She may not care but if she does it will be there for her to see and judge if she wants."
Hogan also believed Liam's spirit was with him in the courtroom during the trial.
He said: "I should have been fearful, but I had a calmness about me, and I felt Liam by my side, soothing me and reassuring me."
He claimed to harbour no hard feelings for Natasha who accused him of giving the performance of his life in court, saying: "She played no part in me jumping. I take full responsibility."
Hogan also told the newspaper how the suicide of his two brothers, one three months after his father's death, had blighted his life beyond repair.
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by Eden, monett
Wednesday, September 24 2008, 5:31PM
“i agree with Lucy Bee, Bristol .”
by Eden, Monett
Wednesday, September 24 2008, 5:17PM
“omg! that is insane. i can only wonder what was going through his mind when he jumped. Natasha must feel awful. i have had to deal with a suicidal boyfriend an it is so hard to get through, but if he ever tried something like this man did, mentaly ill or not, i would have to kill him.”
by sian, bristol
Monday, September 22 2008, 1:49AM
“do it realy matter to any one if this poor woman has another relationship most of us didnt know them befor this tragady happend so why do you people think youv got thr right to judge her now i hope she is happy as god only knows she has had enough sadness”
by Diane, Canada but lived in Bristol for 40 years
Tuesday, September 16 2008, 12:10AM
“I have followed this story & have felt sorry for all involved.
John, i hope your daughter gets the chance to read what you have to say about what happened.
I hope in the years to come as she is growing up, that she will not be influenced or poisoned mentally by those around her & that she can form her own opinion.
Mnay said you were a good dad, i don't know you but i just feel that you did really care for your children.
You were blinded by certain things and sadly the tragedy happened.
I hope you get well. Nobody should judge you.
An unbalanced mind can make you do irrational things, no way can this be ever justified but i think Natasha should have had better understanding, she is after all a nurse, she must have known you were unwell & should have dealt with things more delicately.
I believe she also contributed towards this sad tragedy indirectly, her role was there be it in the background.
I wish you well John, i wish you peace & i hope one day you will be reunited with your daughter.
God Bless”
by Babs, Keynsham
Monday, September 15 2008, 7:51PM
“Emma of Bristol... it is obvious that you have never had to deal with mental illness and I hope you never do.
That headline was not needed. None of us know what really happened... but from what I have read, mental health issues seem to have taken at least 2 of Mr Hogan's family. I really hope that the man will find some peace when this is finally settled and he returns to England.”
by Lucy Bee, Bristol
Monday, September 15 2008, 2:54PM
“Mr Hogan should keep his mouth shut and concentrate on getting better. And what business of ours is it to question Natasha and her new relationship? None. Leave Natasha and Mia alone to get on with their lives. And don't give publicity to this obviously unwell man.”
by Anon, Bristol
Monday, September 15 2008, 2:02PM
“Slightly digressing, my neighbour's husband died in an accient several years ago. Four weeks later she started another relationship and within a week he had moved in. She said her family and her husband's family were shocked and hurt by this but she said when you fall in love, you fall in love, it has no timescale. Maybe we should be a bit more sympathetic to Natasha. She lost her child and her marriage but has the guts and is strong enough to move on.”
by tony, bristol
Monday, September 15 2008, 1:34PM
“He has my backing, I hope he gets well soon and out of prison/hospital. As has already been said, the wife has to take on board that she was also responsible. Such a sad story. I really can not get to grips in my own head though is how quickly she moved on with her life? I know you have to at some point but another relationship would be the very last thing on my mind! I wonder who else had the mental illness?”
by Anon, Bristol
Monday, September 15 2008, 12:00PM
“Emma from Weston Village, couldn't agree more. Nobody has ever considered the fact that Natasha knew about John's state of mind. The fact that she remarried so soon afterwards shows that she was planning on leaving him. I know it's not a crime to fall out of love, but Natasha surely has to come to terms with the fact that her actions probably added coal to the raging fire that was already burning within Mr Hogan?”
by Emma, Weston Village
Monday, September 15 2008, 10:42AM
“I know Mr Hogan's best friend, so know a lot more than the other two posters regarding this emotive issue.
The mother does have to take some of the blame, all too often mothers want to end the marriage but then choose to go down the "no access but I still want money route". Too many woman use their kids and it does sometimes result in these awful endings. I feel for both of them but do believe that neither are blameless in this situation.”