Bristol couple's 14-year dream for a baby ends in tragedy as child is stillborn
For 14 long years, Deborah Harris and her husband Stephen have been trying to start a family.
In that time, Mrs Harris has suffered nine miscarriages and two ectopic pregnancies.
But up until a few weeks ago, it seemed as though she and her husband would finally have the child for which they had longed.
Mrs Harris, 38, had undergone IVF treatment and successfully became pregnant. All seemed well. Her baby was due on October 23.
Mrs Harris said: "He was such an active baby. I went for a scan the week before and was told the head was in place for labour."
She went into labour 12 days early and went to hospital still believing everything was fine.
But she said: "When I got to the hospital they said they were really sorry but there was no heartbeat."
Later that day she gave birth to a baby boy, who the couple named Charlie. He was stillborn.
Doctors said Mrs Harris suffered a bleed in her stomach which led to his death. Mrs Harris cradled her little boy for 18 hours in hospital, while having blood transfusions.
She said: "I had to give birth even though my son had died two hours before. I was just switched off, it was too much to handle.
"I had three epileptic seizures, and my husband thought that I was going to die as well because they pushed the crash button."
Two weeks later she and her husband held a funeral for their little boy. It was October 23, the day he was due to have been born.
At home in Francombe Road, Horfield, they had everything prepared for his arrival. A crib and a Moses basket stood waiting. Nearby there were baby clothes and toys.
"When we came home and everything was still here, we had to pack it away," said Mrs Harris.
"My family and friends are just devastated. They know how long we've been waiting. It's just not fair, he was perfect."
Not only has Mrs Harris had to deal with her baby's death, but her dad Bill died aged 72 two weeks earlier, and her cousin Maggie died two weeks later from a stroke, aged just 43.
Mr and Mrs Harris want to go ahead with another round of IVF, but this may not be offered to them on the NHS. Mrs Harris, who worked in a sandwich shop before going on maternity leave, said: "We want to go ahead with IVF again, but it's all down to funding; we can't afford to go private, and we can't conceive naturally because there's too much risk of more ectopics."
In an ectopic pregnancy, the fertilised egg attaches itself outside the womb and has to be aborted.
Mrs Harris said: "We decided to change our phone line, internet and TV to the same provider (Virgin) to save us £100 per month. This money will go towards IVF if we have to go private in the future."
But even that has proved problematic. The couple have waited two months for a Virgin Media phone line to be installed at their home, and still have no connection.
Virgin Media engineers told Mrs Harris that the existing phone line had filled up with gravel, and would have to be dug out, which could take another two to six weeks.
Mrs Harris said: "I was relying on the phone being installed as it's my only means of contact with the support I need. I have a mobile, but it costs a fortune to use; money I want to save. I feel isolated."
Mr Harris, a 35-year-old painter, said: "I'm at work all day, and if it gets a bit too much for Deborah, she should be able to contact a support group. It's obviously been distressing. My head is all over the place at the moment."
A Virgin Media spokesperson said: "Deborah Harris' phone installation was delayed as a result of damage caused to our infrastructure. Our engineers are working to resolve this situation as soon as possible and we expect Mrs Harris' phone line to be installed by Wednesday, November 25. We have sent Mrs Harris a mobile phone with £50 credit as a goodwill gesture to ensure she is able to make calls during this sensitive time. We apologise for any inconvenience we may have caused."
Mrs Harris received the mobile phone yesterday morning, but told the Evening Post it doesn't work.
25 Comments
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by Mark, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 8:18PM
“Stephen, my comment was a reply to lisa, hence mentioning her name, rather than yourself :]
Bob - why would my comment give cause for concern?
I truely believe that things happen for a reason, that some things are meant to be and some are not.
One thing i do not understand, if you really wanted to save money, why keep change to Virgin for your TV? Freeview is a good alternative and.... free.”
by Kia, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 8:12PM
“Stephen, I'm so sorry for your loss. We did years of IVF and it really knocks the stuffing out of you. We adopted a decade or so ago and it has been a fantastic experience, though not always easy. Bristol SS has a good adoption team.
All I can say about the idiotic comment is if you feel in your heart you're meant to have children, then you are. Infertility is just a medical condition, no one says you're not supposed to have teeth they send you to the dentist to get them fixed. It should be the same with infertility.”
by Matthew, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 4:24PM
“Best Wishes. I hope you find peace and happiness again very soon.”
by spydyman, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 3:50PM
“Moron, between you and me it's a pseudonym. And it's a bit late (not to mention hilariously innapropriate) for you to get on your high horse. Now out of respect for the actual relevent events and persons I cannot be bothered to respond to you anymore. Goodbye.”
by Julraj, Clifton, Bristol.
Thursday, November 19 2009, 3:15PM
“I think the distinction here Spidyman is that whilst some narrow minded individuals like yourself may consider what I said to be insensitive, yours are simply abusive.
Also, a tip, try to be consistent in how you spell your name.”
by Stephen, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 2:47PM
“@ Julraj i made my last post whilst you must of been making yours so i appreciate your now understadning of our situation. As to other people thanks for defending me and i probably would of done the same as yourselfs if i was a reader of this thread. I belive all people have the right within reason obviously to say how they feel at the time and i will respect people more for that than anything.”
by Stephen, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 2:37PM
“Penny Liz Bob and everyone else that has commented, we both really appreciate your support and if its one thing i have learnt over the last few weeks is there really is some good people in this world including yourselfs. We will not even entertain those who has left negative comments and neither am i going to evening consider flaming them. Adam Lisa spydyman derek amum and ryan and anyone else i missed thanks for kind words and trymriverman we will certainly be looking into adoption ans we do have so much love to give a child evne if bialogically not ours, its how you teach them and love them and all the others things you do that make them yours.”
by Julraj, Clifton, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 2:34PM
“Firstly, I think Stephen's comment illustrates perfectly well how we're all entitled to express our own opinions without Lisa, a mum, Spydyman, derek and the rest of the Closer/Heat/Look magazine reading mob feeling the need to gang up.
IVF is without doubt an emotionally crippling proceedure but the experience of a still born baby must bring one to the brink. My friends found out at 37 weeks that their baby had died and we simply felt useless. They were a complete mess, clearly a loss nobody could possibly imagine.
Having read his post I now understand why Stephen went to the Evening Post. Virgin Media are a classic 21st century customer services disaster that often leaves you wondering why you bothered alerting them of a fault. Incompetant staff, if they even understand your problem, simply try to find a box to tick against your issue and if they can't find one just shrug their shoulders.
It's a shame but I guess it was necessary for the Evening Post to divulge so many details and the extent of their grief.
The greatest shame of all though is that it's taken this to get Virgin Media to honour their service agreement.”
by Penny, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 2:23PM
“The Evening Post should do the right thing and remove the hurtful comments of others! We are all entitled to our own opinion but surely in this case there is a time and a place!! These poor peole have had enough grief to deal with, more than 20 life times worth!!!! I wish all the very best of luck for the future.”
by Liz, Bristol
Thursday, November 19 2009, 1:51PM
“Sometimes trying to resolve problems like this with providers like Virgin is a nightmare. When things go wrong no one in a call centre will help. It's difficult to resolve problems and you can spend hours banging your head against the wall.
At a time like these people are going through it is more than unhelpful, it adds to the upset.
I totally understand the lady's need for the internet. It can be a lifeline at a time like this.”